January 10th is a hard day for us. More specifically, hard for Mason and I. In 2008, a beautiful, kind amazing nine year old girl was taken from us in a tragic car accident that left us shaken. Every year in the past, Mason has struggled. Sadly, every year I have struggled to help.
I went to college with the intention of helping those in need. I took every psych course, every child development course, and every "self help" course I could find to make sure I could do this effectively. Yet, every year, January rolls around and I feel completely unprepared to deal with Mason's sadness. Every time he tears up, I'm worthless. His grief seems to bring me to my knees. I can't seem to find the right words of consolation, because my tears choke every word.
This year has been a little better. Maybe it's because the snowy roads haven't been around to put a little edge of fear in our hearts. Maybe it's because Mason has grown older and better equipped to deal with loss. Hopefully it's not because he has given up on talking to his mom about this stuff because she's not equipped to deal with his loss.
However, when I am able to choke out the words, I tell Mason how glad I am that he has such wonderful memories of Morgan. That I'm glad he had such an amazing person in his life, even for a short time. And I am glad that he was able to know someone that incorporated everything about these two words....Beautiful Girl.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Preston's story
Sorry I haven't done this in a while. I've been really busy now that I'm working (for those of you who did not know this, yes, I have started working. No, hell has not frozen over.) Anyway, I just found a story Preston wrote for his class about a Christmas tree that I was impressed with, so for the family members who are interested, I'll post. Everyone else may be totally bored with this, but it's my kid, I get to brag.
I was a small pine tree at the edge of the forest. No animals ever paid attention to me. One day a warthog was in a bad mood. It's tusks were covered with mud, bugs and flowers. It came to me to rub it off. Then, one day a young boy and his dad came and put ornaments on me. They did this every year for every holiday. But most of all, they cared for me all year long. Christmas is the best holiday ever. Even was I reached over their heads, I was still the perfect little Christmas tree they loved. Finally, I was about to die, and I was used to make a house so I can always be with the ones I love. I love it when the kids invite friends over, and they still decorate me for Christmas every year.
I was a small pine tree at the edge of the forest. No animals ever paid attention to me. One day a warthog was in a bad mood. It's tusks were covered with mud, bugs and flowers. It came to me to rub it off. Then, one day a young boy and his dad came and put ornaments on me. They did this every year for every holiday. But most of all, they cared for me all year long. Christmas is the best holiday ever. Even was I reached over their heads, I was still the perfect little Christmas tree they loved. Finally, I was about to die, and I was used to make a house so I can always be with the ones I love. I love it when the kids invite friends over, and they still decorate me for Christmas every year.
Monday, September 12, 2011
A Moment
Hudson and I had a "moment" this weekend that I wanted to share. It was one of those moments that I really had to question myself as to what is "right" and what would be the "wrong" response, and to be honest, I'm still not sure if I did the right thing. Hopefully it's the right thing for us.
This weekend was a busy one for us, as the last weekend of summer usually is for us. We have to get ready for winter (unfortunately....still waiting to move somewhere where winter doesn't exist). This means getting the garage, camper, boat and other summer stuff winterized and put away. This also means we spend the whole weekend in the garage. The boys usually help, but I gave the two older ones a "pass" to spend some time with a friend who I felt could use some company, so it was just me, Kev, and Hudson. We were going in and out of the house and Kevin had to run and grab a tool at his Dad's. I stayed in the garage, and Hudson was in the house. At some point, Hudson forgot I was in the garage. Apparently he then began to run around the house, screaming (I mean screaming. I'm sure he had a banshee beat.) Loud enough I could hear him in the garage.
I, of course, thought he had harmed himself, so I went running into the house to figure out what in the world had happened. I found him standing in the kitchen, sobbing, and looking completely distraught. He just kept saying, "I couldn't find you." After reassuring him that I was just in the garage, where he'd left me, and that I would never, ever leave him, he started to calm down. I asked him, "Are you okay?" Where he responded,
"Yeah, but don't tell Dad I got scared, okay?"
Oh man. What do I do with this? This is the moment where I have to decide if I am the mom that can be trusted. If I can be the one that you can tell anything to and know that it's in pure confidence.
I decided.....I'm not that mom. I decided that it was more important for him to trust that Daddy and I are a united front, that we as a unit will always be there for him, no matter what the circumstance. And that we love him equally......differently.....but equally. This could be the kind of moment that could make or break us.
When Kevin got home a few minutes later, Hudson was still recuperating. I asked him if he would like to tell Daddy something. Kevin looks at him and says, "What's wrong, bud?" He says, "Nothing." So I betrayed him. I told Kevin what had happened. Of course, Kevin picks him up and gives him a huge hug and tells him that he never has to worry. We will never leave him, and that it's okay to be scared sometimes.
So they wrapped their arms around each other and held each other. I hope Hudson remembers that moment.
This weekend was a busy one for us, as the last weekend of summer usually is for us. We have to get ready for winter (unfortunately....still waiting to move somewhere where winter doesn't exist). This means getting the garage, camper, boat and other summer stuff winterized and put away. This also means we spend the whole weekend in the garage. The boys usually help, but I gave the two older ones a "pass" to spend some time with a friend who I felt could use some company, so it was just me, Kev, and Hudson. We were going in and out of the house and Kevin had to run and grab a tool at his Dad's. I stayed in the garage, and Hudson was in the house. At some point, Hudson forgot I was in the garage. Apparently he then began to run around the house, screaming (I mean screaming. I'm sure he had a banshee beat.) Loud enough I could hear him in the garage.
I, of course, thought he had harmed himself, so I went running into the house to figure out what in the world had happened. I found him standing in the kitchen, sobbing, and looking completely distraught. He just kept saying, "I couldn't find you." After reassuring him that I was just in the garage, where he'd left me, and that I would never, ever leave him, he started to calm down. I asked him, "Are you okay?" Where he responded,
"Yeah, but don't tell Dad I got scared, okay?"
Oh man. What do I do with this? This is the moment where I have to decide if I am the mom that can be trusted. If I can be the one that you can tell anything to and know that it's in pure confidence.
I decided.....I'm not that mom. I decided that it was more important for him to trust that Daddy and I are a united front, that we as a unit will always be there for him, no matter what the circumstance. And that we love him equally......differently.....but equally. This could be the kind of moment that could make or break us.
When Kevin got home a few minutes later, Hudson was still recuperating. I asked him if he would like to tell Daddy something. Kevin looks at him and says, "What's wrong, bud?" He says, "Nothing." So I betrayed him. I told Kevin what had happened. Of course, Kevin picks him up and gives him a huge hug and tells him that he never has to worry. We will never leave him, and that it's okay to be scared sometimes.
So they wrapped their arms around each other and held each other. I hope Hudson remembers that moment.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Stinky Washer
This is going to be completely outside of my "box" as far as blogs go. It's not about my kids for once! I am a housewife, along with being a mother, and I can say I have learned a few things. A few. Not many, because I don't want to learn, but a few! :)
For those of you that have the front-load washers, this is for you. Some people have asked how to keep it from smelling terrible, and I might have the solution for you. You are welcome to test it out yourself.
First and foremost, do NOT use liquid fabric softener in these things. That's the worst thing you can do, in my opinion. Vinegar in the fabric softener slot works if you are looking for a more "natural" way to soften clothes, or just use dryer sheets. But throw the liquid stuff away. Now.
If you have been using liquid softener, or if it just stinks right now, run a HOT cycle of bleach and vinegar through your washer (no clothes) and then use antibacterial wipes along the rim and inside to get rid of some of the gunk that has accumulated.
If you only do laundry one day a week, like I do (Yes, I do it ALL in one day. It takes all day, but whatever, it works) then make sure your last load is the whites with bleach and hot water.
And lastly, keep your washer door open to dry out a little after your load is done. That can help too.
Hope this helps! Have a great day!
For those of you that have the front-load washers, this is for you. Some people have asked how to keep it from smelling terrible, and I might have the solution for you. You are welcome to test it out yourself.
First and foremost, do NOT use liquid fabric softener in these things. That's the worst thing you can do, in my opinion. Vinegar in the fabric softener slot works if you are looking for a more "natural" way to soften clothes, or just use dryer sheets. But throw the liquid stuff away. Now.
If you have been using liquid softener, or if it just stinks right now, run a HOT cycle of bleach and vinegar through your washer (no clothes) and then use antibacterial wipes along the rim and inside to get rid of some of the gunk that has accumulated.
If you only do laundry one day a week, like I do (Yes, I do it ALL in one day. It takes all day, but whatever, it works) then make sure your last load is the whites with bleach and hot water.
And lastly, keep your washer door open to dry out a little after your load is done. That can help too.
Hope this helps! Have a great day!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
You Might Be Right
I posted that one of the sexiest things a man could say to me is, "Hmmmm.....You might be right." I'll be honest. I'm more interested in how the men take this post than the women. I'll tell you why.
Some men will take this as "Oh sure, a man has to be subservient." Some will say, "No backbone is sexy? Whatever." Others will be like, "Oh please. That's never coming out of my mouth!" But I will tell you what most women think when they hear this. I'm just trying to help you guys! hee hee
When I hear a man say this, I hear, "Hmmmm......Very interesting. I will give your opinion some thought, because I know that you don't give your opinion unless you truly believe in what you are saying. And I recognize what a smart woman you are. But I am an individual with my own thoughts and beliefs. I am a strong person who can't be swayed easily by what others say. But because I love you and respect you as an equal, I will give what you have to say consideration in what my beliefs and opinions are, also. Because you MIGHT be right."
Yes, that really IS what we hear when you say those four words. Lol
Some men will take this as "Oh sure, a man has to be subservient." Some will say, "No backbone is sexy? Whatever." Others will be like, "Oh please. That's never coming out of my mouth!" But I will tell you what most women think when they hear this. I'm just trying to help you guys! hee hee
When I hear a man say this, I hear, "Hmmmm......Very interesting. I will give your opinion some thought, because I know that you don't give your opinion unless you truly believe in what you are saying. And I recognize what a smart woman you are. But I am an individual with my own thoughts and beliefs. I am a strong person who can't be swayed easily by what others say. But because I love you and respect you as an equal, I will give what you have to say consideration in what my beliefs and opinions are, also. Because you MIGHT be right."
Yes, that really IS what we hear when you say those four words. Lol
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Honest Mom
To be honest with you, I don't really care for babies. Don't get me wrong. I like other people's babies. My own? Well, they were hard. I realize now that with each of my children, Mason most notably, I suffered from postpartum. I felt like every day I was hanging precariously onto whatever marbles I had left. I lost a few along the way, I know. The reason I prefer 18 month old children and up? Because babies cry.....and cry.....and cry....and cry.
So I nursed. Keep in mind. I couldn't eat, sleep, bathe, brush my teeth, do my hair, shop, cook or clean without this tiny human screaming at me. Every. Single. Minute. I had barely enough energy to get out of bed that first few weeks, let alone clean, sterilize, or make bottles. But I could nurse, luckily. It kept them quiet. I could finally get five minutes of peace while they ate. Needless to say, I had very, very fat babies. Because I like peace.
I truly started to love, adore, and cherish my sons once they started talking to me. When they would cry, I could ask, "Why are you crying?" and they could TELL me. I rejoiced in every conversation. Still do, much to my preteens' dismay. I love to hear them talk, have conversations, and come up with their own ideas. LOVE it.
So, in all honesty, our life together had a rough start. And maybe there are other parents out there who are thinking "Glad it's not just me". But rough start or not, like some pretty good books I've read, it may not have started out the greatest, but it's the middle and the ending that can make the best stories.
So I nursed. Keep in mind. I couldn't eat, sleep, bathe, brush my teeth, do my hair, shop, cook or clean without this tiny human screaming at me. Every. Single. Minute. I had barely enough energy to get out of bed that first few weeks, let alone clean, sterilize, or make bottles. But I could nurse, luckily. It kept them quiet. I could finally get five minutes of peace while they ate. Needless to say, I had very, very fat babies. Because I like peace.
I truly started to love, adore, and cherish my sons once they started talking to me. When they would cry, I could ask, "Why are you crying?" and they could TELL me. I rejoiced in every conversation. Still do, much to my preteens' dismay. I love to hear them talk, have conversations, and come up with their own ideas. LOVE it.
So, in all honesty, our life together had a rough start. And maybe there are other parents out there who are thinking "Glad it's not just me". But rough start or not, like some pretty good books I've read, it may not have started out the greatest, but it's the middle and the ending that can make the best stories.
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