The Cell Phone Contract

I just recently read a post from a friend regarding cell phone contracts between a parent and their child that I struggled with.  Now, if you know me, you know that if you do things differently than me, more power to ya. But if you are looking for some guidance, or wonder, "What do other people do in this situation?", maybe I can provide a fresh perspective.  Here's my contract that I've had with my teenage son for the last two years regarding his cell phone.

1.  I trust you to be smart.  I know that you keep your phone on silent at all times, home or school.  I know that it stays in your back pack during class in case there are "friends" who want to take it, play with it, throw it around etc. I know that you have never gone over on your data plan. I know that you have two intricate lock pattern screens in order to get into your phone.  Is it to keep me out?  Maybe. But when you told me it was so kids at school couldn't and wouldn't want to take it, I trust you.

2. I trust your decision making skills.  You have always responded in a timely manner when I have texted or called.  You have never broken, lost, or gotten your phone taken from a teacher. I know that your phone stays in your vehicle while at work. I know that when I say there are no phones at the dinner table, you shut if off and don't complain. It's just how it is.

3. I trust you to be kind. We've tried to raise you right, but I don't know if you're bullying someone online.  But when the mother of the new kid in band comes up to me and tells me how much her son enjoys being around you and how great he thinks you are, then I think we're doing okay.

4. I trust you to be open and honest with me when you need to be. When you have come to me with questions regarding things online or with stuff other's have posted, I know that I can trust you to look for honest answers from me.

5. I trust you to be accountable.  Are you up all hours of the night on your phone?  I don't know.  I do know that you get up at 5:00 in the morning every other day to be at work on time, without fail, and that you get up at 6:00 in the morning on the opposing days for jazz band, so I don't care to be totally honest.

6. I trust you to be respectful.  We talked about sending penis pics.  Nobody wants to see that. It's gross. Remember the Brett Favre debacle? Just ew. Don't do it. Just don't. And don't be a douche and ask girls for boobie pics.  It makes you look bad, and seriously, a girl who responds to you with a picture is not the kind of wife or mother for your children you want long term. We both know it would be a waste of your time and effort.

7. I trust you to be responsible.  You bought your phone, and you have to pay for your own contract. It's all on you. If it gets taken, lost or broken, it's your problem to deal with. Not mine.  I won't save you, and you don't expect me to. I remember when the lady at the cell phone store told me it would be cheaper to just put your phone on my plan.  "Not cheaper for me!" I laughed.  You're in charge, completely, of what happens to your phone. And I trust that you take that responsibility seriously.

 In short, I trust you. I trust that you have been and continue to be a pretty amazing person.Could that change?  I'm sure. But I will trust you until that time comes.  I remember you coming to me one day and said, "Mom?  Have I ever thanked you for not going through my phone or making me give it to you to look through?  I know some kids who have to hand it over every night.  That would suck."  My response?

 "Thank you for not making me feel like I need to."

.....And So Can I

Let me just start this blog by saying that we all have opinions, varied and passionate, but let's be clear.  The nature of the word "opinion" makes it imperative to realize that these are not facts people.  NOT facts.  And because we live in the great country of America, we all have the right to express our opinions.  Let me also be clear that I have absolutely no desire to change your opinion.  What you believe makes you inherently you.  It is what makes you unique, and I don't want to change that about anybody, even if our beliefs are drastically different.  Lord knows I live with and love a man dearly who doesn't agree with most of my beliefs.  But both of us have no problem with saying, "Let's agree to disagree."  My 13 year old understands this concept.  Why some full grown adults can't figure it out baffles me.  So please, feel free to use your right to express your opinion, as will I.

However, let me also be clear that you do not have the right to express your opinion in a hurtful or hateful manner.  No one has been given that right, unless I missed something somewhere.

Let me give you a list of just a few of my loved ones: those who are gay, those who may be but are too young to comprehend this yet, those who can't walk, those who can't see, those who can't talk, those who can't read, those who are in wheelchairs as we speak, and those who will be.  Every single one of these people are not the "social norm".  Every single one will be the recipient of disgust, disdain and degradation.  They will be bullied, they will be laughed at, and they will be treated as "less than".  And if you are one of those people who are openly hurtful or hateful to any of the ones I hold dear to my heart, I will call you on it, I will fight you on it, and I will win.

I am a huge believer in karma.  (If you are not, see first paragraph).  I believe every single person needs to remember to treat others as they want themselves or their loved ones to be treated.  And if you are a person who chooses to be hurtful and hateful, God forbid anyone you know or love doesn't fit into what is society's idea of "normal".  Because karma can be a bitch.....(insert title of blog here).

Tiger Mom

A while back, I had a few friends tell me that I was a "tiger mom".  At that time, I had no idea what they meant.  I assumed it was somewhere along the lines of being a "cougar".  Apparently not.  :)

So....a tiger mom.  I have to wonder if this is a good or bad thing.  I have lots of opinions on what kind of mother I want to be.  Lots.  Yes, you can feel sorry for my kids now.  I will reinforce the opinion, however, that this is the kind of mother I want to be.  NOT, I repeat, NOT what I think everyone else should be.  They're your kids.  Do what you want with them.  Just remember, I'm going to do what I want with mine.

This has become very clear to me as my kids get older that as far as moms go, I'm not nice.  I would say that my style of parenting is more "I'm going to make sure you are prepared for life outside my home" versus the "I really wish you would never grow up."  We enjoy our sons, but we have a job to do.  And trust me, it IS a job.  One that I take a lot of pride in.  But my title is "Mom", not "Friend".

For instance, an allowance?  My sons have all brought this up.  Once.  I looked at them, and said, "Uh, no."  That was the end of the discussion.  lol.  But we have talked about things in relation to this over and over again.  Our children do lots of things around the house, because they live here.  I don't get paid to do the dishes, Kevin doesn't get paid to mow.  They won't either.  It's called being a part of this family.  Secondly, having money, in my opinion, is not a right.  It's earned.  At a job.  I refuse to let my sons believe they should get money just because they live and breathe.  Not happening.  See, feel sorry for them yet?

 Also, my children are required to get straight A's.  They are extremely intelligent, and fully capable.  If they are struggling in a class, they have to inform us immediately, and they have to work especially hard to bring it up to snuff, or electronic devices are banned until said grade is an A.  They know the expectation, and they rise up to meet it.  And, no, they don't get money for their grades.  They get a special date, of their choosing, with us.  And hugs.  Lots of hugs.

Thirdly, our sons don't have cell phones.  And they won't until they get jobs and pay for them themselves.  It's a great way to teach responsibility and develop a credit rating.  I know.  I get the response of, "I like to know where my kids are at."  Newsflash, I haven't lost one yet.

 So, a tiger mom I may be.  But I plan on having kids fully prepared for the outside world, and at this rate, they are probably going to be running and screaming from our home to greet it with open arms.  :)

Beautiful Girl

January 10th is a hard day for us.  More specifically, hard for Mason and I.  In 2008, a beautiful, kind amazing nine year old girl was taken from us in a tragic car accident that left us shaken.  Every year in the past, Mason has struggled.  Sadly, every year I have struggled to help. 

I went to college with the intention of helping those in need.  I took every psych course, every child development course, and every "self help" course I could find to make sure I could do this effectively.  Yet, every year, January rolls around and I feel completely unprepared to deal with Mason's sadness.  Every time he tears up, I'm worthless.  His grief  seems to bring me to my knees.  I can't seem to find the right words of consolation, because my tears choke every word. 

This year has been a little better.  Maybe it's because the snowy roads haven't been around to put a little edge of fear in our hearts.  Maybe it's because Mason has grown older and better equipped to deal with loss.  Hopefully it's not because he has given up on talking to his mom about this stuff because she's not equipped to deal with his loss.

However, when I am able to choke out the words, I tell Mason how glad I am that he has such wonderful memories of Morgan.  That I'm glad he had such an amazing person in his life, even for a short time.  And I am glad that he was able to know someone that incorporated everything about these two words....Beautiful Girl.

Preston's story

Sorry I haven't done this in a while.  I've been really busy now that I'm working (for those of you who did not know this, yes, I have started working.  No, hell has not frozen over.)  Anyway, I just found a story Preston wrote for his class about a Christmas tree that I was impressed with, so for the family members who are interested, I'll post.  Everyone else may be totally bored with this, but it's my kid, I get to brag.

     I was a small pine tree at the edge of the forest.  No animals ever paid attention to me.  One day a warthog was in a bad mood.  It's tusks were covered with mud, bugs and flowers.  It came to me to rub it off.  Then, one day a young boy and his dad came and put ornaments on me.  They did this every year for every holiday.  But most of all, they cared for me all year long.  Christmas is the best holiday ever.  Even was I reached over their heads, I was still the perfect little Christmas tree they loved.  Finally, I was about to die, and I was used to make a house so I can always be with the ones I love.  I love it when the kids invite friends over, and they still decorate me for Christmas every year.

A Moment

Hudson and I had a "moment" this weekend that I wanted to share.  It was one of those moments that I really had to question myself as to what is "right" and what would be the "wrong" response, and to be honest, I'm still not sure if I did the right thing.  Hopefully it's the right thing for us.

This weekend was a busy one for us, as the last weekend of summer usually is for us.  We have to get ready for winter (unfortunately....still waiting to move somewhere where winter doesn't exist).  This means getting the garage, camper, boat and other summer stuff winterized and put away.  This also means we spend the whole weekend in the garage.  The boys usually help, but I gave the two older ones a "pass" to spend some time with a friend who I felt could use some company, so it was just me, Kev, and Hudson.  We were going in and out of the house and Kevin had to run and grab a tool at his Dad's.  I stayed in the garage, and Hudson was in the house.  At some point, Hudson forgot I was in the garage.  Apparently he then began to run around the house, screaming (I mean screaming.  I'm sure he had a banshee beat.)  Loud enough I could hear him in the garage.

I, of course, thought he had harmed himself, so I went running into the house to figure out what in the world had happened.  I found him standing in the kitchen, sobbing, and looking completely distraught.  He just kept saying, "I couldn't find you."  After reassuring him that I was just in the garage, where he'd left me, and that I would never, ever leave him, he started to calm down.  I asked him, "Are you okay?"  Where he responded,

"Yeah, but don't tell Dad I got scared, okay?"

Oh man.  What do I do with this?  This is the moment where I have to decide if I am the mom that can be trusted.  If I can be the one that you can tell anything to and know that it's in pure confidence.

I decided.....I'm not that mom.  I decided that it was more important for him to trust that Daddy and I are a united front, that we as a unit will always be there for him, no matter what the circumstance.  And that we love him equally......differently.....but equally.  This could be the kind of moment that could make or break us.

When Kevin got home a few minutes later, Hudson was still recuperating.  I asked him if he would like to tell Daddy something.  Kevin looks at him and says, "What's wrong, bud?"  He says, "Nothing."  So I betrayed him.  I told Kevin what had happened.  Of course, Kevin picks him up and gives him a huge hug and tells him that he never has to worry.  We will never leave him, and that it's okay to be scared sometimes. 

So they wrapped their arms around each other and held each other.  I hope Hudson remembers that moment.

Stinky Washer

This is going to be completely outside of my "box" as far as blogs go.  It's not about my kids for once!  I am a housewife, along with being a mother, and I can say I have learned a few things.  A few.  Not many, because I don't want to learn, but a few!  :)

For those of you that have the front-load washers, this is for you.  Some people have asked how to keep it from smelling terrible, and I might have the solution for you.  You are welcome to test it out yourself.

First and foremost, do NOT use liquid fabric softener in these things.  That's the worst thing you can do, in my opinion.  Vinegar in the fabric softener slot works if you are looking for a more "natural" way to soften clothes, or just use dryer sheets.  But throw the liquid stuff away.  Now.

If you have been using liquid softener, or if it just stinks right now, run a HOT cycle of bleach and vinegar through your washer (no clothes) and then use antibacterial wipes along the rim and inside to get rid of some of the gunk that has accumulated.

If you only do laundry one day a week, like I do (Yes, I do it ALL in one day.  It takes all day, but whatever, it works) then make sure your last load is the whites with bleach and hot water.

And lastly, keep your washer door open to dry out a little after your load is done.  That can help too. 

Hope this helps!  Have a great day!